Single? Selfish?

There is always plenty to moan about when you are single.  No Valentine’s Day cards, no kisses, no snuggles.  When there is a work event that requires either an early start or late night, those without children draw the short straw.   We don’t have to make childcare arrangements or get anyone to school.  There is no one to share the cost of living with.  There is no one to take care of you when you are sick.  And if you disappear there is a chance that no one will figure it out for a while.

But it’s worth remembering that the grass is almost certainly greener somewhere else, no matter where you stand.

In what feels increasingly like a past life, I was one half of a couple.  We owned a house, shared the mortgage and were happy for a while.  All of my friends were in the same situation, and I was hard pressed to know many people of my age who were single.  So when it all went Tits McGee, and I decided that a country change was in order, I was surprised by the myriad of responses that I got.  One close friend confided that he wished it was him that was able to do it.  I reminded him of his beautiful fiancé and his lovely home – would he really give that up for an uncertain future?  Another older woman scolded me and told me that I was crazy and that it was very dangerous to travel on my own.  In fact I should wait for a man to escort me around the world.  I told her that I could be waiting till I was 80 for that and I was not willing to have regrets like that.  Three years on the most common thing that I hear from loved up couples the world over, either with or without children is – We wish we were with you and that we could do the things that you do.  Concerts, movies, sneaky drinks in the pub - any night of the week, weekends away, all without a care in the world.

The reality of being terminally single is that you are in the interesting position of having little to no responsibility.  If I don’t cook dinner, the only person that goes hungry is me.  If I am at home and a friend calls to say that she is in town for the weekend, I can drop what I am doing and go and see her without worrying about who I might inconvenience.  I can make plans without having to check if ‘we’ are busy.  If I overspend on a night out or a weekend away and have to live on noodles for the week, no one will notice and no one will care.  There is a certain freedom to that which I am very comfortable with.  I can make impromptu dates – some of the best nights have been decided at 4pm.  And ended at 4am.  And there is no one wondering where I am and when I will be home.   There are no babysitters to find and no partners to notify.  And it’s made me a bit selfish.

The thing is that I have not had to compromise for a long time.  It worries me that if and when I do meet someone who deserves my extra time and kiss, that I will find it hard to make that adjustment from single and carefree to coupled up and considerate.  I am scared that it will be this that will make a new relationship untenable.  Does anyone else feel this way?  Does anyone have some tips as to how to make that transition?