A Life Less Ordinary

There is an old saying that you should stop and smell the flowers.  There is another saying that you should end your life with a drink in one hand and a fag in the other screaming with joy.  I suspect that the truth is somewhere in the middle.  I, for one, try for something that will make my kids cringe but my grandchildren love me.  And if neither of them come along – my nieces and nephews.  And if it’s something that my mother would disapprove of all the better…. (sorry Mum, but I bet that you felt the same way at some stage!)

So currently as I am stressing out over a job that I love, but is not my dream job, it’s gotten me thinking about where my life is currently going and what the next chapter will bring, cause the last chapter has been a riot.

Here are some highlights…

Toilet papering a teachers room on retreat in a monastery in 7th form.  I went to an all girl school and we were forced to go on this retreat.  This is in the days before cell phones and we were bored.  It was a hoot.  We draped toilet paper from the lights and made a flower on the bed.  It was a work of art.  We knew that we would get into trouble but the most fun was waiting for the axe to fall.  We spent the whole afternoon cracking up.  Our punishment was being sent to bed early, and not being able to watch Yentil a move staring Barbara Streisand which I hear from all accounts was a bit boring.  We were still the last to breakfast the next morning.

On a racier note – when in Amsterdam at a sex show, I was pulled up on stage by a stripper – my friend was pushing me up there and taking my drink, thanking her lucky stars that it was not her.  It was a heap of fun and my belly dancing lessons came into their own.

There were nights in Granada where we crawled in when the sun was coming up.  Where we drank more sangria then is safe.  Nights where I learned that I don’t like tequila and that is causes memory loss.  Where I learned what a jagerbomb was and that the Spanish like to give free shots, and that there are mostly peach schnapps.  Which I am allergic too.

Throw in a couple of inappropriate men.  Enough said about that.

Been chatted up in a number of languages, by bartenders, men on the street, the odd rock star, actors, accountants, lawyers – and have taken all of this with a pinch of salt and a smile.  Once had a James Blunt moment on a tube where the doors closed before we could exchange numbers and since there are 8 million people in London it is unlikely that we will meet again.  The universe either loved or hated me at that moment – he could have been wonderful or could have been another man not worthy of me.

There have numerous late nights where dancing on the tables has been the norm.  There have been the road trips with friends that have been filled with laughter that resulted in sore stomach muscles.  There have been many many bottles of wine – imbibed in happiness and despair.  I have been lucky to be surrounded by people who love me and get my sense of humour and to join me on adventures.

In this next chapter I see a little bit of growing up.  Perhaps a move to another city, I see more travel and less extravagance (of which there is not a lot at the moment – cutting your own hair anyone?).  I see many more bottles of wine, much, much more laughter, more wonderful friends, maybe a job that is my dream job, maybe a man who is worthy of me, and maybe some kids.  But one thing is for sure when that adventure comes knocking I will be ready to run with it.

What are your favourite memories?  Are you smelling the flowers or holding the fag and drink?  What do you have planned for your next chapter?

March! Where did you go?

Ok so I just blinked and realised that March is nearly over!  Where did it go?  Then I looked at my diary and realised that I have been working damn hard and that to counter that I have been playing just as hard.  So here is a review of March….

My first opera.  Madam Butterfly saw me visit the Royal Albert Hall for the first time.  It is a stunning venue and so full of history and culture.  The set was stunning and filled with water for the first act.  It was in English so I could understand most of it.  The ending was so very sad and the wee boy was the star of the show.  Don’t think that I am going to be the most regular opera attendee but was glad that I ventured, saw and enjoyed.

Then there was the fundraiser – wow what a huge effort.  All kiwidom pulled together and we raised about £18,000 for the victims of the Christchurch earthquake.  This was raised between my besties at the Castle and another pub.  I volunteered and in between carving up the dance floor to some good old kiwi classics, I must have dried nearly every glass in the place.  The day was a success and the management and team of volunteers were fantastic.  Even if I do say myself.  After that I was ill as a dog for a few days and that week passed in a blur of snot and sleep.  Stunning.

Ceadleigh anyone?  License to Caedleigh taught us a thing or two about turning a gay Gordon  and stripping the willow.  It was a great night and I love a good boogie even if it is orchestrated.

Then there have been the obligatory Glee nights with my bestie and a few walks as well.  As well as a couple of movies and a few late night work dos.  Caught up with an old flatmate – not old as in age just a former one.  And realised how much I missed that Irish chick.  We went out for a Thai, one of those ones where you share tables with randoms.  One of these randoms was a kiwi couple who I got to chatting to.  The lady asked if I was engaged to a Brit?  No.  Was I engaged to a kiwi?  No.  Was I engaged at all?  No.  Right well here is my hubby, he’s a kiwi too.  Bitch.

Oh and a birthday – for which I gifted a puzzle with my face on it!  Guess what you are all getting from now on?.....

Throw in a non Shakespeare play – The Childrens Hour.  This starred Kiera Knightley and Elizabeth Moss.  It was wonderful.  The acting was fabulous, the story was moving and the staging was amazing.  I walked out of there feeling annoyed that people are so narrow minded.   To celebrate that fact and the fact that someone was not that nice to me, I headed out to drink and dance.  A lot of dancing.  It was amazing, there is nothing like dancing to Tiffany at midnight on a Monday!

Then there was another fundraiser – this time for Teenage Cancer – with Biffy Clyro.  Six months ago I would not have known who Biffy were, but then Matt McCardle covered their song for X Factor.  They are proper rockers and we had fab seats.  They came out shirtless and with tight trousers and rocked the Royal Albert Hall.  It was a great night and I can’t wait to see them open for the Foo Fighters.

Cap the month off with a Boat race and a lot of prosecco and that was it.

April will hopefully bring me a few more night’s sleep, a contract and not unemployment a cool new flattie, a few more laughs with friends, some more good movies, a concert or two – Brooke Fraser anyone? A night at the Tate, running training (I am running 5k for charity!!!) A dress up party and a Royal Wedding.  Phew that is going to be a good one too. 

How was everyone else’s March?  Anything cool planned for April?

Wishing on a star....

One of the main things that I miss from home – aside from the obvious family and besties, is the sight of the moon and stars.  Not only are the bright lights to much for the stars to show, but often it is cloudy in London.  It might not rain constantly here, but it is grey for a lot of the time.  All of this makes it hard to wish on moon and stars….

And what is a single girl’s biggest wish?  Health, Wealth and Happiness?  A family of their own?  A big bank balance?  Fabulous hair?  Gorgeous figure?  A great job? A lovely man? A wonderful social life? All of the above??? You betcha.

One of the biggest things that girls love to do is make a list so here is my wish list –

• Hair that is one thing or the other – what is with this waviness?
• A fab boyfriend
• A banging figure
• A job that makes me feel fulfilled and pays shedloads
• For all of my friends and family to live in one country – with me in it!  Or for them all to be in one place at one time for one massive party
• To be able to walk the streets without fear at anytime of the day or night
• For chocolate to be calorie free
• For happiness to be the main item on the news – and for it to be true, that people the world over were happy
• For a child
• For the world’s children to have wonderful childhoods full of love
•  Noel Fielding
• A voice that I would not be embarrassed to sing with – cause god knows that I know the words, if only I could sing them
• To feel more like a confident single woman and less like Bridget Jones in most situations
• The third series of Go Girls on DVD
• Some of Cody’s clothes off Go Girls

As you can see I want the world, I want it all and I want it yesterday.  And I would put good money on it that my list is not hugely different to those of woman, single or otherwise the world over.  However, this list for me is balanced out by the things that I am thankful for…

• A wonderful family who love me despite the fact that I am 12,000 miles away
• The best friends that the world has to offer, the world over
• My health, which has been hard fought and won over the last few years
• A house to live in with good people
• A job that just about covers my lifestyle
• The worlds cutest nephew and yes I am biased but I don’t care
• That I am happy – most days despite the fact that I don’t like the mornings I wake up smiling
• That summer is nearly here in the UK, the sun makes people so happy in London, seriously it’s a different city
• That I can indulge my concert fetish pretty much weekly at the moment
• Home and Away and all the other mindless tele that helps me de-stress
• Care packages
• Go Girls
• Noel Fielding
• Good wine
• Laughter and its pretty much constant presence in my life

I guess that the points I am trying to make are these…

• Woman are crazy
• Home and Away deserves an award of some kind.  Possibly the Stone the Flaming Crows Award
• I have a pretty cool life despite all the things on my wish list
• That if you find yourself wishing for things that you should make sure that the list of what you are thankful for is just as long if not longer. 

It’s funny how life changes when you change the way that you look at it.  So to quote one of my fav ads at the moment (sorry it’s not Compare the Meerkat - we shaved Peter), Match.com – I’m somewhat impulsive, I laugh in my sleep, but that’s just me

Single? Selfish?

There is always plenty to moan about when you are single.  No Valentine’s Day cards, no kisses, no snuggles.  When there is a work event that requires either an early start or late night, those without children draw the short straw.   We don’t have to make childcare arrangements or get anyone to school.  There is no one to share the cost of living with.  There is no one to take care of you when you are sick.  And if you disappear there is a chance that no one will figure it out for a while.

But it’s worth remembering that the grass is almost certainly greener somewhere else, no matter where you stand.

In what feels increasingly like a past life, I was one half of a couple.  We owned a house, shared the mortgage and were happy for a while.  All of my friends were in the same situation, and I was hard pressed to know many people of my age who were single.  So when it all went Tits McGee, and I decided that a country change was in order, I was surprised by the myriad of responses that I got.  One close friend confided that he wished it was him that was able to do it.  I reminded him of his beautiful fiancé and his lovely home – would he really give that up for an uncertain future?  Another older woman scolded me and told me that I was crazy and that it was very dangerous to travel on my own.  In fact I should wait for a man to escort me around the world.  I told her that I could be waiting till I was 80 for that and I was not willing to have regrets like that.  Three years on the most common thing that I hear from loved up couples the world over, either with or without children is – We wish we were with you and that we could do the things that you do.  Concerts, movies, sneaky drinks in the pub - any night of the week, weekends away, all without a care in the world.

The reality of being terminally single is that you are in the interesting position of having little to no responsibility.  If I don’t cook dinner, the only person that goes hungry is me.  If I am at home and a friend calls to say that she is in town for the weekend, I can drop what I am doing and go and see her without worrying about who I might inconvenience.  I can make plans without having to check if ‘we’ are busy.  If I overspend on a night out or a weekend away and have to live on noodles for the week, no one will notice and no one will care.  There is a certain freedom to that which I am very comfortable with.  I can make impromptu dates – some of the best nights have been decided at 4pm.  And ended at 4am.  And there is no one wondering where I am and when I will be home.   There are no babysitters to find and no partners to notify.  And it’s made me a bit selfish.

The thing is that I have not had to compromise for a long time.  It worries me that if and when I do meet someone who deserves my extra time and kiss, that I will find it hard to make that adjustment from single and carefree to coupled up and considerate.  I am scared that it will be this that will make a new relationship untenable.  Does anyone else feel this way?  Does anyone have some tips as to how to make that transition?

Soul Sister

I am not what you would call a devout catholic.  In fact it would come as a surprise to many people that I was catholic at all.  The last time I went to church was for the Christchurch memorial service, before that it was probably last Easter, which is nearly a year ago, and we were late as the internet told us the wrong mass times.

This is not to say that I don’t have a moral code and I am not a spiritual person.  Far from it.  I give thanks everyday for the people in my life and the things that I have – like a place to live and an ok job.  Things that a vast majority of people in this world don’t have.  I give thanks to whoever is listening – it’s a nice way to start and end the day.

So it comes as a bit of a surprise that most years of late that I pick something very challenging to give up for Lent and that I tend to stick very religiously to it.  One year I gave up chocolate.  I love chocolate.  I will eat chocolate at any time of the day or night and my fav is Cadbury crème eggs – I cannot walk past a stand of them.  So giving up chocolate at Easter was not an easy thing to do.  I went through withdrawal like any addict and was a grumpy bitch for about two weeks before I got over it.  What it highlighted to me though, was that just about everything delicious has chocolate in it.  God help those with a chocolate allergy – that must truly suck.  When Easter Sunday came around I could be found in a hotel room with a good friend sitting up in bed eating Easter eggs at just after midnight.  We had just gotten in from a wedding.  I was worried that I would get diabetes from that day alone.

This year I have given up energy drinks.  I don’t drink tea or coffee.  I don’t even really like the smell of coffee, but I can understand its addiction.  I have bourne witness to people who cannot start the day without their fix.  I get my caffeine fix from V – my drug of choice.  When I can’t get V its close second sugar free Red Bull steps up.  How I love thee.  And then there are the numerous yummy memory loss drinks that go with Red Bull.  Jager bombs  being what I was most familiar with, but have recently been introduced to Skittle bombs and after this hell is over I will be trying a Glitter bomb.  Although having had a shot of Goldshlager last night I am not really looking forward to that. 

Over the last two weeks I have been a bit of a nightmare to be with.  When I have not been lethargic due to lack of energy given by these mothers little helpers, I have been a raging maniac.  That is not an understatement I have been a crazy woman who I don’t really recognise.  Yesterday was a day of rage, which seemed to be placated by vodka and a few shots of baby Guinness.  Today after a week of not being able to get up, I was wide awake at 6.30am.  I am now waiting for the crash that will most likely come when I want to go to work at 1pm and can’t have an energy drink to combat.

The main point of all of this is that I know that I will be a healthier person at the end of this hell on earth sorry lent.  I will no longer be an addict and my mind will be free of needing to be kick started by a sugary drink.  And the massive bonus – my soul will be happy.

So what if anything did you give up?  Are you too a lapsed Catholic that still holds some of the traditions dear?

Dirty Stop Out

It’s fair to say that I don’t spend a lot of time in my flat.  It’s nothing to do with the people that I live with – they are great and when we get together, on the very rare occasion all four of us are in the same place we have a great laugh.

Instead it can be put down to two issues – FOMO (Fear of missing out) or FOBA (Fear of being alone).  This has been going on for a number of years, I have always been very social, I have always had a large and varied group of friends and I spend a fair amount of time in these friendships.

When I first left a long term relationship that just didn’t work out, I moved in with my best friend and her hubby.  They had been married for 6 months.  We were both a tad concerned about how her hubby would deal with this – we knew that we could live together, but could he tolerate a flat mate.  About 6 weeks in, we were all out on the town together, and a mutual friend asked what it was like having a flatmate when you are so newly married.  I must admit that I was nervous about the answer.  But my friends were both thrilled to have me there, the answer was – She is the best flatmate ever!  She is never there and when she is she either cleans the house or makes us dinner.  In fact it’s like having an exchange student without the hot plate in room issue.   From then on I was known as their exchange student and they were my cute marrieds.

FOMO is a severe fear of missing out – what if I say no to a date with friends and the next day they tell me that it was the best night ever and I should have been there?  Even if I am so tired I can barely lift my eyelids I will be out to avoid this. 9/10 times we have a wonderful night and I can’t complain.

FOBA is a bit more complicated – If I am at home alone, I will have to face the fact that I am alone.   Me and my dinner for one will have to face the fact that whilst I have a load of wonderful friends and family, I am still missing that one all important puzzle piece, a significant other.  This also explains why I stay up so late.  There is nothing nicer than snuggling in with someone and having a chat before sleep and then waking up warm in their arms.  It’s a big cold, lonely bed without that someone there. Of course there are times when it’s great.  The last person that shared my bed snored like a freight train and I was more than happy to have it back to myself when they left – warm body or no.  I am a night owl naturally, I think and react best in the evenings and it’s not unusual for me to be up till at least 12.30, luckily my job involves flexi time and most days I start at 10. 

So those of you the marvel at your single friends eventful social lives – remember that this is most likely covering one or both of these syndromes and don’t be surprised if when upon
mentioning it, they tell you that they would swap with you in a heartbeat - regardless of the sleepless nights with the baby or the hubby who doesn’t know the location of the vacuum cleaner.

Unpacking the Expat

Over the last few months I have had some interesting conversations with expats of different ages regarding what we hold dear and how we hold it.

When I chucked in my fab job and sold my share of my beloved home, I put pretty much everything in storage and threw away very little – you see I needed a safety blanket, what if I hated London and needed to come back in a few months, and there was nothing left for me to come home too.

Once in London I quickly realised that the city had gotten under my skin and that I would not be returning home anytime soon.  On my first visit home I wanted to get rid of loads of stuff but due to circumstances beyond my control I was unable to get into the storage facility – my Dad’s factory – to sort through the numerous boxes that held memories of my former life.  I guess from a parent’s perspective, I get rid of all of that then it might be true that I will not be moving home in the near future.

With the recent earthquake in Christchurch and the devastating stories of people losing it all, everything that they have, it made me question again the possessions that I have both in London and all over the world.  It’s fair to say that I came to London with 70kg of my possessions on my back –excessive you might say but that was all I held dear – shoes and hairdryers are important.  And whilst there have been acquisitions since then, there is nothing like what I used to own.  I don’t own any furniture, and have very little bake wear.  But I do have souvenirs from all over the world and have a fair few photos and knickknacks to pad out my room. 

It’s a strange existence that we expats eek out.  We are not going home in the near future, but intend to at some point, so we don’t accumulate too much.  And what we do is largely disposable.  One friend noted on helping another move, that they had loads of books.  And that moving them from flat to flat was a huge hassle.  But this couple loved their books and fully intend to move them to whichever country they end up residing in.  His point was that he did not have much that he held dear here and whilst he would keep a book that was given to him for sentimental value, he would almost begrudge this being given for that reason. 

I guess that my point is that whilst I can’t put a date on when I will be going home – at least in the next two years, I don’t really seem to be living here either.  I have no plans to save for a house here – in fact saving here is nigh on impossible due to the cost of living and the low wages.  I try not to accumulate too much, including clothing and shoes which are necessities of a professional life.  But I am reaching an age in my life where I am beginning to feel the need to settle down and have a secure home.  I mean really how far into your 30’s is it acceptable to be in a flat share with no real idea or means of when to settle down.  Am I just avoiding growing up?  Will I be an eternal traveller?  I feel like I have put down some roots in London but then in London everything and everyone is transient.

What do you think?  Are expats just experiencing Peter Pan syndrome or are we just the beginning of the trend to downsize and de-clutter our lives?