Dirty Stop Out

It’s fair to say that I don’t spend a lot of time in my flat.  It’s nothing to do with the people that I live with – they are great and when we get together, on the very rare occasion all four of us are in the same place we have a great laugh.

Instead it can be put down to two issues – FOMO (Fear of missing out) or FOBA (Fear of being alone).  This has been going on for a number of years, I have always been very social, I have always had a large and varied group of friends and I spend a fair amount of time in these friendships.

When I first left a long term relationship that just didn’t work out, I moved in with my best friend and her hubby.  They had been married for 6 months.  We were both a tad concerned about how her hubby would deal with this – we knew that we could live together, but could he tolerate a flat mate.  About 6 weeks in, we were all out on the town together, and a mutual friend asked what it was like having a flatmate when you are so newly married.  I must admit that I was nervous about the answer.  But my friends were both thrilled to have me there, the answer was – She is the best flatmate ever!  She is never there and when she is she either cleans the house or makes us dinner.  In fact it’s like having an exchange student without the hot plate in room issue.   From then on I was known as their exchange student and they were my cute marrieds.

FOMO is a severe fear of missing out – what if I say no to a date with friends and the next day they tell me that it was the best night ever and I should have been there?  Even if I am so tired I can barely lift my eyelids I will be out to avoid this. 9/10 times we have a wonderful night and I can’t complain.

FOBA is a bit more complicated – If I am at home alone, I will have to face the fact that I am alone.   Me and my dinner for one will have to face the fact that whilst I have a load of wonderful friends and family, I am still missing that one all important puzzle piece, a significant other.  This also explains why I stay up so late.  There is nothing nicer than snuggling in with someone and having a chat before sleep and then waking up warm in their arms.  It’s a big cold, lonely bed without that someone there. Of course there are times when it’s great.  The last person that shared my bed snored like a freight train and I was more than happy to have it back to myself when they left – warm body or no.  I am a night owl naturally, I think and react best in the evenings and it’s not unusual for me to be up till at least 12.30, luckily my job involves flexi time and most days I start at 10. 

So those of you the marvel at your single friends eventful social lives – remember that this is most likely covering one or both of these syndromes and don’t be surprised if when upon
mentioning it, they tell you that they would swap with you in a heartbeat - regardless of the sleepless nights with the baby or the hubby who doesn’t know the location of the vacuum cleaner.