It’s fair to say that I am tired at the moment, so therefore, might have a short fuse. It’s fair to say that I am doing a fairly good job of keeping that fuse under control. But everyone has a point where they just want to throw their hands up in the air and crawl under the duvet and hide from the politics of our society. I am copping it in both my private and professional life and to be honest I am well over it. I have seen my friends and colleagues have their feelings hurt and had mine hurt too.
None of this is to say that I am perfect, no more than the next person, and whilst I try to stay out of it, there are times when you can’t avoid it. In the last two weeks I have heard from just about all of my friends this phrase ‘I love (insert name) but ….’ and then it all comes out, all their frustrations and anxieties. I am beginning to wonder if there is something in the atmosphere that has got us all disgruntled. I am certainly beginning to question where the love has gone.
My professional life is looking pretty dismal as well. With the public sector restructure, people are beginning to fear for their jobs and this is making everyone more than a little cranky. In what is an already tight environment, money wise, people are being asked to deliver for less and with less. When people’s livelihoods are threatened they tend to resort back to the survival instincts that we employed in our cave man days. So therefore we are hearing about what a rubbish job others are doing and what a great job we/us/I are doing. It’s not a good look, but I can understand that when you are backed into a corner, you will fight your way out.
Add to this a few late nights and you have a grumpy Nicca. So what am I doing about it? Well I should be going for a run, but instead, I am sat in front of Home and Away with a bag of doritos, which whilst satisfying now, will make me hate myself later. Maybe part of the problem is that I have not seen Home and Away for a week. I am hoping that this will help.
And there are a few of my mates either heading home or planning to head home soon. And this brings up the inevitable question, is it worth staying here, when I am not happy in my job and not being paid fantastically, and it feels like everyone is going home. To me it seems that there is little point in living in London being too poor to be able to live the lifestyle. I know that there would be a couple of happy kiwis, should I move back to their shores, but would I really be happier? I am here to see the world and travel and I can’t currently afford to do that.
Well that was a bit of a rant, whinge and moan wasn’t it. I am feeling a tad sorry for myself today. But there are some bright sides. I know a whole host of people giving birth this year. My parents are due here very soon. I am taking a fun trip home at Christmas and I will get to see my family and friends again. There are a load of concerts this summer. A good friend called on the weekend just to see how I was and we had a good chat. But right now I just feel a bit down. It could be the weather, it started off sunny today and my walk to work was great. But by 4pm it was grey and dull. Maybe it was not getting a chance to speak to my family this weekend.
So right now I am well open to suggestions – I am thinking head to the bath with a bottle of wine, but would love to hear, what do you do when you are feeling blugh. How do you get over it?
PS – did you know that in Scotland they call Ear muffs, ear defenders! What is with that!
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