For decades woman have been scared to become the woman wearing the beige cardies and surrounded by her million cats. The stereotype of spinsters with cats is an enduring one. Woman fear it, kids make fun of it and men avoid woman in cardies. Those who have seen Grey Gardens are frightened by the speed at which it can happen.
But after the way that I have been treated by men over the last few months I am beginning to see this as a valid life choice. After all no one judges single bachelor men. I kinda feel like Mercedes holding her sign for TOTS. I am holding a sign in silence that says SPINSTER. I am very happy with my life, whilst it would be good to have a man in it, there is no one suitable at the moment and I am unwilling to settle.
It’s fair to say that I am crazy, but crazy in the right kind of way. I laugh a lot – and I am quite good at cracking the odd funny joke, but more often than not they are just cheesy. I am a great friend, loyal, trustworthy and there for you at the drop of a hat should you need me. But I need the same in return. In the past I feel that I have given, god knows that I have given, and got nothing in return. I don’t know if this is a life stage thing, but I am not willing to give so freely anymore. Don’t get me wrong, once I find the right man I will give until it hurts, but he will be doing the same. Not because I demand it, but because he wants to and wants me.
Recently I have seen great acts of love in my friend’s relationships, I am surrounded by committed couples and it is lovely to see. They are real couples though, they have their fights and their ups and downs but they love each other and it shows. That is the kind of example that my parents and friends have set for me. It’s one that I have lost sight of in the past, but no more.
But the irony of it all is that I am very allergic to cats. So my spinsterhood will be spent surrounded by kids. I will have my nephew who will be happy to visit me, providing that I provide him with good food and a tele and the odd visit to the zoo or museum. Well he was happy enough to do that when he was a wee un. And then there are the kids of my many friends. You see I am great with kids. Remember the crazy I mentioned just before, kids love it. I love having kids around, they have a load to teach us, as much as we have to teach them. It helps that I am a big kid myself. I love toys, I love Disney movies and I love mucking around. Perfect babysitter and a great aunt.
All of this adds up to the same thing. I am perfectly happy being a spinster. We have talked about my active social life before, I have mentioned my great friends and given the way that I bake, I don’t think that I will be short of them for a while. My only wish that is that other woman would see this as a valid choice. For some reason people ask me for advice or share with me about their relationship issues – (really!!! I find this very surprising given that I am clearly not the expert on these). Whilst I know that there is give and take in any relationship, some of the things that I have seen woman put up with in the past have further strengthened my resolve to go it alone until Mr Right rather than Mr Nearly there comes along. (n.b. none of these friends are any longer with the losers that they were dating – and all of this is in past tense – no one I know is currently dating a loser!)
So in the immortal words of the Wombats – If this is a romcom kill the director, this is no Bridget Jones. And in my words Choose Spinster. Choose Happiness.
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