How do I get myself into these situations?

There are times when my life crosses the line from silly into the just plain ridiculous.  I have the most ridiculous injuries – breaking fingers playing petanque – and now damaging my knee after slipping on a banana skin.  Yes folks, I have finally become the caricature that I always knew I was!  I am beginning to wonder if there is a fun loving god up there who thinks it’s funny to see just how much craziness I can take.

I am pretty rubbish at sitting still.  I like to be busy, in one of my first blogs I theorised that this was to stop myself from feeling lonely, but I am not sure that this is the case anymore.  I can hardly be called lonely when I am in the lucky position to have a load of friends that I cannot keep up with as much as I would like.  I am also not sure it’s to combat boredom either, I am in the lucky position where other people think that my life is exciting.  It might look that way from the outside, but when you find yourself doing some awkward splits on a busy train station floor, desperately trying not to cry as you have really hurt yourself whilst strangers pick you up and giggle about how you actually slipped on a banana skin, you begin to crave some monotony.

Over the last few months, there has been a lot going on.  I have worried a lot.  I know that worrying is a useless emotion, but how do you stop?  I am very far away from my family and two of them have had health scares recently.  Thankfully both of them are fine and on the mend.  Another friend received really bad news, and I shed a few tears whilst emailing her about it.  I am working all hours that god sends, I have a project that will be finishing in four and a half months, and it’s all going nuts right now.  Oh and if that was not enough, I took on a part time role canvassing for the council to get some pocket money for Christmas, seeing as my pay has not been right for the last seven months, as I thought it might come in handy for my trip to Bruges & Brussels.  And now for some reason I am routinely waking up an hour before my alarm – I love and cherish my sleep in’s so not really sure what is going on.  Maybe if I did not have so much going on in my head, I would have been paying more attention to where I put my feet and I would have been happily sipping cocktails with work friends rather than having x-rays taken of my knee by a student doctor!

Which is where I take a huge breath and say, maybe this is that fun loving deity’s way of telling me to take a second and look at what is going on around you.  I kind of started this last weekend, I took Friday afternoon off to go iceskating.  It was a lovely clear and crisp day and the perfect weather for it.  Freezing, so that we didn’t get too hot and as the sun set, we were able to see the lights on the ice.  Perfect.  Oh except that I had to rush off and get my haircut as that was the only time that I could fit in an appointment to my crazy schedule.  Saturday, I decided to take the day off.  My first in 20 days.  I got up early to attend bootcamp.  In four degrees.  There is nothing like doing situps in the frost.  After a really hot shower, I had a delicious brunch with friends and then we all piled into my cosy living room to watch the All Blacks deal to the English.  I got to cuddle a six week old whilst I watched and it was a pretty good way to spend the afternoon.  Sunday, I knew that I would have to do the work that I had put off on Saturday.  In a somewhat prophetic twist, I had a sore knee, so decided to put it up for the morning and then head to a late girly lunch.  It was noted that it was nice to see me sitting and relaxing for a change, we chatted for a good two hours, it was just what I needed.  But then it was off to work.  Before heading to home to cook for another friend, whilst we planned a trip to Paris.  All very exciting things, but I need to learn to take a breath and relax. 

So, now, when I am laid up with a twisted knee and a crutch, I am being forced to take some time out.  I can’t work for too long as the weight of the laptop on my knee gets a bit much after a while.  I have taken painkillers before beginning this epic, so I have a while.  I have been spoilt with friends offering to come and be with me in A&E.  One look at them though and I would have dissolved into tears.  I was very proud of myself for holding it together.  Although some people are really unhelpful.  When I was hailing a cab to get to A&E, the cabbie made me hobble to him.  I could barely put weight on my left leg.  Then he parked a good 100 metres from the entrance to the hospital.  Thanks pal.  My lovely flattie made me dinner, as predictably I had no food in and was unable to get to Sainsburys.  And now my bootcamp bestie is on her way over to bring me some lunch and to watch movies with me this afternoon.  Whilst I am not looking forward to braving public transport tomorrow, I am one very lucky chick.

I guess that the moral of the story is this – make sure that you take some time off, before you become the cartoon character who is forced to do so.  Standby family and friends, some long emails are heading your way today xxxx

Adventures in Greece - part 1

So this evening, I am supposed to be studying – again – my test is less than a week away, but instead, I have had coffee with a friend, eaten dinner whilst watching Smash and Home & Away, and have spent the last half hour crying with laughter at the thought of a musician called Cunty Joe. At that thought I realised that there was little hope of much more going in tonight, so I would write a blog about when I went to Greece, which seems like an inordinate amount of time ago.

I have always wanted to visit Greece. I studied a lot of Greek architecture and literature at high school and university, and have always been fascinated, at what has survived so many thousands of years. Nothing that we build today will ever last that long.  Plays and theories that we come up with today may not even last 100 years let along 1000 or more like the philosophers and mathematicians of ancient Greece.  So after waiting what felt like a lifetime, I finally got to plan a trip to Greece with some of my favourite people – Caroline, Alex and Tahnee. I was allowed three nights in Athens, after which we were heading to the Islands for some much needed rest and relaxation.

The first day of our trip was mainly a travel day – we left on a Sunday. I was still feeling rough from the Friday night, and Caz & Alex were feeling rough from the night before. I left home still needing a fringe trim and a trip to the phone shop to find out how to make my phone work abroad. I managed the fringe trim and decided to take my chances with the phone. After a hungover brunch, we all made it to Gatwick, having forgotten something, and we were making good time until we decided that we needed McD's and then ended up running for the gate. Happy times.

We arrived in Athens and were immediately hit by the heat. It was late at night and by the time we cleared customs, Tahnee was ready to meet us at the airport. We were all excited to see each other and happily jumped into a taxi and looked around to see where the ruins were. We made it to our hotel and walked up and down endless flights of stairs and we changed rooms a few times. It was a small room, but we did not intend on spending much time there. We had a balcony and if we leaned over it, we could just see the Parthenon lit up. We were starving, so on the advice of the hotel owner we headed down to a square, and sat outside at 11pm, in 25 degree humid heat, and ate the most delicious Greek meal. Saganaki cheese fast became a staple of every meal that we had. We were all excited about visiting the ruins the next day.

 

 

 

 

 

Me at the Parthenon (too hot for a fringe!)

At 10am when we left our hotel, the next day, it was already in the late 20's. It was a stunning day without a cloud in the sky, and I was really excited. I was finally going to see the Parthenon, Agora and Acropolis. And they did not disappoint – we walked up hills, saw the delightfully dusty ruins, checked out the sheer size and volume of these places. It still fascinates me as to how these were built. We explored until the ruins closed at about 3pm, then headed to Monstiraki for lunch. We chose a place with aircon, it was 30 degrees and we were getting a bit weary. After what was to become our fav meal of saganaki and gyros, we headed up to Mount Poulopolos – and had an amazing view of the city. It was a hard walk and I was drained by the heat, but it was worth it.

We headed back to the hotel for a sleep and to get ready for heading out that night.

View from 360

We headed to 360, a cocktail bar that had amazing views of the ruins lit up at night. It was perfect. The weather was balmy – in fact the entire time we were in Greece it did not get below 25 degrees even at night. The drinks were brilliant and the food was delicious and the setting was just beautiful. Afterwards we headed down to a smaller restaurant for more saganaki and gyros and wine that came in a plastic bottle. A bit of a come down after the stunning cocktails. We laughed on the way home when some teenage boys tried out their English on us by chatting us up – they were all of about 15, it was cringe worthy.

 

 

 

Hadrian's Arch

The next day we headed to the Temple of Olympic Zeus and Hadrian's Arch. It amazes me that this is on a main road and that the people Athens drive past these amazing ruins every day of their lives. The ruins were stunning, the size and scale has to be seen to be believed. We headed to one of the first Olympic stadiums afterwards, again, the sheer size is overwhelming. We walked in the tunnel where the athletes have walked for thousands of years and stood on the podiums. Everything in Athens reeks of history, its intoxicating. 

Greek Guards

I was keen to head to the Temple of the Unknown Soldier, where the Greek Army still patrols and puts on a ceremonial show. Its incredible, they often stand in a half crouch with one leg outstretched, in the heat that was an Athens Summer, they must have been dying, but they looked cool and calm.

The stand of massive willies

After that, it was time for a bit of relaxation and beers. We headed back to Monstiraki and were confronted by a stand of massive willy key rings. Awesome. We shopped for a bit – I got the happiest jandals and we wandered through the markets. Lunch was more cheese, gyros and beers – yep even me. It was so hot that I too drank 500ml Amstels. We headed back to the hotel for a sleep and laundry stop. 

Guess which one is mine!

That night we had dinner at a traditional Greek restaurant, the menu was completely in Greek, unlike many of the other places that we had been too that catered for tourists. Whilst we had been doing the laundry, we had started shots – tequila for the girls and baileys or vodka for me. I might have been drinking beer but tequila is still a no go, and as Caz and Alex were witness to the last time they agreed! When we were in the traditional restaurant, where the lovely owner took the time to read the menu too us, we continued with the shots, and huge beers. It was roasting and the food was delicious – courgette balls are amazing. The owner thought that we were hilarious and on the way out insisted that we do a shot of raki with her. It was strong and I nearly choked on it, at which point she laughed and said oh you are the baileys huh.

We headed home, happy that we had loved Athens, and repacked our backpacks, the next day we were heading out to Naxos, our ferry was at 7am and we had to be up at 4.30....

Its Friday, Bitches

For a long time, every Friday, my friend Sarah would write this in the tab book at the pub. I would always giggle and love that she did that. She would often walk into the room and ask 'What up Bitches?' When Sarah left and the staff were boys, they couldn't figure out who was adding Bitches after Friday in the book. When the did figure it out, they didn't get it. You see very slowly women are reclaiming the word bitch. Its a term of endearment, hardly ever an insult these days. Or maybe that is just me. I have found much worse/unusual words to insult people with these days. Bitch seems old hand and more embraced these days.

Recently I ventured to Greece, with the bitches. I will have to write a whole blog about how amazing Greece is. The day that we were flying out and meeting our friend Tahnee, in Athens, she messaged, saying that she would be waiting for us at the airport with a sign that said 'Hey Bitches'. And that is how the girls trip continued. My birthday postcard was signed The Bitches, from Caz, Alex and Tahnee. That night we danced to Will I Am's, Scream and Shout and took great pleasure in singing along to the part where you are rocking with Britney Bitch. We farewelled each other at the airport with see you later bitches.

My bitches have left me now, although I am sure I will find some more, but they might not appreciate being called bitches. I am not sure that everyone woman I know has embraced this word as readily as I and a select group of my friends have. In fact I know that they haven't. If I spoke that way to some of my friends back home they would be surprised, and horrified.

This is what makes language funny and interesting – what offends one person, rolls of another's back. To me, language is evolving at an alarming rate. Text speak is coming into play a lot more. I am routinely told off by Caroline for my abbreviations, both when I speak and when I text her. Words such as Totes Amaze (Totally Amazing) or even worse Amazeballs. Or my new fav (favourite) Speny – when something is expensive. I can understand her point of view, I really can, but I don't speak as fast as she does, so I have to abbreviate to keep up! With the event of more communication in print rather than voice, there is so much room for interpretation. Emails and texts can be misconstrued. 1001 meanings can be read into a sentence, that can be a throw away to the person who wrote it. Or the lack of an email or text can be read into as well. We can spend hours analysing what someone meant by that text or lack of text. (I will often dash off a text on the bus, and not have a chance to read or reply to the reply for a couple of hours, when I will pick up the conversation again. I am getting very rubbish at emailing and texting, life is getting really rather busy at the moment. Or having time to write this blog really!) It was a simpler time when you just picked up the phone and heard the persons voice and the intonations in it. For example – Bitch said with venom is a clear insult. Where as, bitch said in a lighthearted, breezy way, is not offensive at all.

There is still an obvious pleasure when someone takes the time to send you a written letter or a postcard or just a long email. They have taken time to write to you, not just a few lines dashed off when they have a spare 5 minutes. I love sending postcards when I am traveling. I think of my not so wee nephew receiving them, getting excited about the mail, reading it, and maybe some day wanting to travel to the far off places that I have been. In the same way that I send them to my friends kids, in the hopes that when I return home that they will have some idea as to who I am and where I have been in the world. I still laugh at one postcard from Turkey arriving six months after I sent it. I like to think that it was delivered by a man in a fez, who had been going to extreme lengths to get it to them. I see him rowing, biking, flying, running to get it in their letter box. I am sure that there is a much more boring explanation then that, but mine is more fun.

Its clear that I enjoy language, I like writing, playing with words, and making them sound poetic and flowy, or juxtaposed and interesting. I guess that having a librarian for a mother, I appreciated reading and writing at an early age. I am taken with the classics, Shakespeare and I are old friends, I love the way his sonnets read and the way that he uses language. I love poetry and used to write a lot of awful, maudlin poems when I was growing up. When the mood takes me I will still write, but they tend to be more personal than my other writing. They are where I play with the way words sound, match and really say what I am feeling. I would be mortified if anyone else read them. I love a good novel or my absolute favourite is listening to song lyrics, which I can pick up very quickly. I love hearing the way they can express so much emotion in such an accessible way. I am a sucker for a good singer/songwriter, one person and a guitar and I am hooked. It is a source of amusement to a number of my friends, that I can recite songs back to them after hearing them a few times. I used to have great fun at our jam sessions, in the pub, my job was to remember the words and direct the people who had actual talent in singing or playing an instrument.

So there you go, that was a rather rambly blog. It has been a great distraction from what I am supposed to be doing – studying for my Life in the UK test, I have already done two hours today so I am ok.

Later's Bitches, this bitch needs to get her some sleep.

xx

The weekend that was...

So its 6am and I am wide awake. What the frick is going on? I don't have to think about getting up for another few hours! I have a lot going on in this head of mine, who would ever believe that I overthink anything. So I decided to do a few things that I have been putting off. Like checking out the official release of Eddie Vedder and Neil Finn covering Hunters and Collectors 'Throw your arms around me.' I love that song, and have long loved Eddie Vedder covering it, but the official version is a bit bland for me. You can check it out here – and when you are bored of that, check out my fav version here. I am really looking forward to the release of the Hunters and Collectors covers album though...

But none of that is what I wanted to talk about today. For the first time in about a month, I have spent a weekend in London. I have been lucky enough to travel a bit recently. I have indulged my travel bug, and instead of being satisfied, it just wants more. So here is what finally managed to keep me here for a weekend...

Friday night, my lovely friends, took me out for a belated birthday dinner. We have a tradition of taking each other out for swanky dinners, where we have to dress up and wear heels. This time they totally surprised me, I was not even allowed to know the place before we walked past it. So we started with cocktails at Cellar Door, near the Aldwych. I was coming down with a cold, that is still plaugeing me, so I was spraying my throat inbetween downing delicious cocktails. I had been wound up all week that I should wear my wenching top, a long standing joke, that we will one day end up at a medieval banquet, rather than a posh restaurant. And was then told that my dress was conservative! When we left there, the plan was to get in a cab and head into the city, we ended up walking down the road and stopping outside a posh hotel and it was decided that we were going to stop in there. The Waldolf. I was so excited!

We had a delicious dinner, yummy wine and great conversation. It was very posh and a beautiful setting. After dinner we headed out to Radio bar, a rooftop bar in the ME hotel. Where I was well out of my depth. I am much more comfortable in a pub where I can sing along, than a club where the waitresses were unaware of the booking system and you had to be exclusive to get in. We passed muster of three doors, before we were allowed into the bar. We ordered some very expensive cocktails, and checked out the view. And then headed back to Cellar door for a bit of a laugh. There was a cabaret on, which was cringy and hilarious all at once. But the cocktails were delicious and I was pretty happy.

The next day, my head cold hit its peak. I woke up with a really sore throat and a blocked nose, so ditched boot camp, as I had to be well enough for the nights festivities. I stayed in bed and watched tele before venturing up to get sorted for the party. Caz and Alex were having their leaving party at the Captain Cook and it was dress up. I had decided to go as Adele, and as such, I needed to have my hair put up into a beehive. My hair is really, really long at the moment, longer than I have had it for a while, mainly due to having no time to have it cut. Seeing it all backcombed and put up was a bit daunting but the result was fabulous. After it was done, I headed up to Caz & Alex's to get ready together. It was all tinged with sadness. I gave the girls my gift, which I had shed a few tears over putting together and writing the cards. But after that, we began drinking and getting ready. I helped Caz do her make up to look like Amy Winehouse. Alex looked fab as the Queen, although those masks still creep the fick out of me. Bryce as Ali G, Terry as Charlie Chaplin and Kat as Maid Marion, completed our party. As we walked down the road to catch the bus, we got some strange looks, but Ali G got lots of comments, so we were all in a good mood.

The night was a bit of a painkiller and alcohol blur. We danced, we stopped to watch the yacht racing, we danced some more and listened to our friend Will sing. I caught up with a number of friends I hadn't seen for ages and had a great time. Its always hard at a leaving party, you are all excited for your friends that they are off on their next adventure, but at the same time, I don't really know a London without Caz & Alex. After the pub, we headed to Brooke's rooftop oasis, but I was pretty done in by then. I said a short goodbye, as my good byes are to be said on Monday at the airport, and headed home at about 2am.

Sidenote – I was surprised and excited, to meet a chick called Clare – she was so sweet and straight away said – Oh My God, you are Cardigans & Cats, I love your blog and have wanted to meet you for ages. How exciting! Its kinda cool to know that people are actually reading what I have to rant and ramble about.

It took me an hour and half, some of that under the shower, to get my hair back to something resembling normal, in order for it to be cut on Sunday. And that was about all I was capable of on Sunday, I headed out for a bit and then was back on the couch, as lets face it, for the last month, I have been running here and there, and was in desperate need of a chill out day. I watched Friday Night Lights and loved it, and then a movie called Somewhere – I went through that pain so that you did not have to. Seriously, it was hands down the worst movie I have ever seen.

And here we are. Its Monday morning and my sole job today, it taking Caz and Alex to the airport. And trying not to crash the car on the way home, as I am well known for being a horrific airport crier and this one is going to be tough. I plan on getting my clean on when I get home, something that I have been putting off for ages, to distract myself.

So that was my weekend! Will tell you about the rest of my crazy life soon xx

My adventures on Tinder

Two weeks ago, at yet another farewell dinner, a young British girl told me about a new dating app called Tinder. She had been on a few dates with different people and it was working well for her. It was different to before, there was no risk, you can only message those that you know like you, as to connect with people you both have to say that you like each other. The cringe factor is gone. What's not to like?

So I downloaded the app straight away. It works through Facebook with your photos from there, but does not post on your behalf. Within 10mins I had 6 matches. Because I am old fashioned, shy and nervous, I waited for the men to message me. The first message read 'Fancy a fuck' ummm nope, that is not even a good come on. So I blocked that douche.

A week later, another man began to message me. I was out shopping for my organic bits and pieces and it started out innocently enough. 'How are you? What you up to?' And then 'So would you be interested in making my sexual fantasies come true? In exchange, I would be willing to make yours come true as well'. Hmmm ok so exactly what did you have in mind – apparently a threesome with two woman and I would have to find the other woman. Umm, again, no thanks.

Up to bat, man number three. I will be honest and say that he was not one of my favourite choices, but we bantered for about an hour and he seemed really nice. But never be too trusting. The question was innocent enough, 'Why are you on tinder and what are you looking for?' My answer was that I was looking for a bit of conversation and banter and seeing where that led. He laughed and said, you will never find that on here, its more of a casual sex app, and you are way to nice to be on this app. And I appreciated his honesty. And we agreed that we would perhaps meet up for a drink when I am back from holiday.

The reality is that I am unlikely to meet him. I am deleting my profile from Tinder, it was a nice holiday, but not somewhere that I want to stay for long. The reality is that I am far to socially awkward and have too many self confidence issues to make a habit out of casual sex. I need way more than that to fall into bed with someone.  Whilst I am not a prude, if I was to consider any of the number of things that were suggested to me, I would prefer that to be with someone I know and trust.  Not a complete stranger, after one drink in a bar. What worries me, if this is the way forward, how on earth am I going to meet someone? According to this article, Tinder could be our new reality.

So that was my experience with Tinder. Not one that I am likely to repeat, or can honestly say that I enjoyed. Call me old fashioned, but I need a bit of wooing, a bit of banter, and for someone to appreciate me for my mind as well as my body. And I truly doubt that I am going to meet my husband or baby daddy on this website. Onwards and Upwards I say.

Ranting for the good of the world

Its been a strange week of personal bests at bootcamp and too many cocktails. We have had a new temporary flatmate move in, I have met a friends baby and wondered how on earth my nephew has just turned 9? Where on earth have that 9 years gone? I finally have a few quiet moments to write as I have a lemon drizzle cake in the oven, before I put on the ritz and head out to a posh tea party, before heading to Ipsden tomorrow to see some good friends for a birthday. I am really looking forward to Greece, where I will lie on a beach in the sun, leaving this torrential London rain behind.

There are a few things that have caught my attention this week so here goes...

The first gay marriages have occurred in my homeland NZ. Surprisingly, this did not coincide with the world ending, the sun did rise. But also there was not a surge of straight Christians filing for divorce, as they felt that their marriage had been devalued now that we were all equal. There is a saying that my fav radio DJ's have coined, which I feel very appropriate – Worry about your own dick – I agree that it should be made into a fridge magnet. One of my British friends laughed for a long time when I said that to him, he thought it was a very pragmatic kiwi way of looking at things. I just think when our children look back at this time and we have to explain to them why people were so outraged about gay people, and we stumble as to why this happened in the first place, those who took to the streets to march against gay rights are going to look rather foolish, similar to how we now look at those who discriminated against black people in South Africa and the United States. I am pleased that now my numerous gay friends are a step closer to being equal and I can attend a number of fabulous gay weddings.

Whilst we are on the equality rant, why is it that as the rights of one group rise, the rights of another are slowly being rescinded. It is a worrying time to be a woman in the world. Very slowly the fights that were fought decades ago, are having to be re won. Rights should not be something that you have to renew every ten years and hope that the patriarchs allow you to keep them. This week we have had UKIP treasurer, Stuart Wheeler, state that woman are unsuited to be on the boards of companies as they are not skilled in chess or bridge, so are therefore unsuited to business. What the fuck? Whilst its easy to dismiss these comments as the ramblings of an old bigoted white man whose party are well know for their intolerance, it is not as if he is alone in these thoughts. Its was only a few years ago that woman in NZ were aghast when Alasdair Thompson, Trade Union rep said on national television that he thought that woman were unsuited to the workforce as they took more leave than men, due to their periods and having babies. When he was asked to back up his claims with actual figures he could not. Great so someone who is leading a trade union is as biased as the people he is supposed to be fighting against.

I have noticed in the last few months, that a number of my favourite television programmes seem to be buying into the stereotype, that woman cannot have it all the way that men can. It pains me to say that Suits – one of the best drama/comedies on UK television is victim to this. The main women characters in this New York city based legal drama, are either a cut throat or weak, no inbetween. We have Jessica – the head of the firm who does not seem to have a personal life at all, is just there trying to keep the men in line and has made a point of stepping over other woman to get to her position of power, we have Rachel, who at the end of season two was left having to chose between her career and the man she loves, and we have Donna, the secretary who is apparently secretly in love with her boss, and again does not seem to have a life outside the career that she has devoted her life and ovaries too. This slick drama that has amazing plot lines, great costuming and wonderful one liners, could be a great vehicle to show that woman can cut it with men, that they are more than just decoration for the office and that we actually have brains in our heads. I have high hopes that season three will portray all of these and provide woman with amazing role models.

Thomas Jefferson once said 'Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty'. In a month where we have seen Russia legislate against being gay, where its athletes have reinforced their stance by saying that in Russia, people are normal, woman and men date each other and that is it, where we have seen great debate over which woman should be on the £10 note, as it was decided it was time to update the notes and there was a real danger that we would not have seen a woman on there at all, it seems that we all need to be more vigilant than ever. Whilst I am not necessarily in agreement that Jane Austin was the best choice for the £10 note, I was appalled that we were facing the possibility that there would not be a single female face other than the Queen on the currency at all. Britain is full of woman who have helped make this country great – even if was a picture of the women who helped in the war effort it would have been better than yet another old, white man on the currency.

The thing is that normally I don't have a good rant like this, but I believe that its about time that people stood up for what they believed in. I recently saw an interview with the band Fun, who I quite simply adore, they seem like nice decent human beings, as well as having catchy songs and being brilliant performers. They said that this is decade when people who are not affected by prejudice, will have to make a point of standing up for those who are. They have actively campaigned for gay rights the world over. I recently saw a post on facebook where they were rejoicing the failure of the Defence of Marriage Act in the USA. A number of people commented that it was not for rock stars to make political statements and that they would now be deleting their songs from their devices. I am proud of them for using their power for good – unlike other 'stars' who use their twitter accounts to promote the latest fashion or product, and charge ridiculous sums of money for doing so. As far as I am aware Fun campaign for free. I would rather live in a world where I knew that my daughters (should they ever arrive!) were going to be paid the same as their male counterparts, that they could travel the world without fear of sexual abuse, and that if they wanted to love another woman, that they would not be persecuted for it.  And that my sons, will be taught that women are equal to them and deserve the same respect as men, that if they want to love another man that they have the right to do so, and if they want to enter a 'caring' profession that they will not be discriminated against for their choices. This is the world that I want to pass on.

Right rant over, back to the kitchen, where I chose to be, after a really busy week where I worked as hard and was paid the same as the men in my office. I am one of the lucky ones in so many ways. Hopefully, where ever you are in the world, you are also as lucky.

Weddings and Babies - when will the hurting stop?

So its been years since I have eaten the skin off chicken and I had some yesterday. It smelled amazing when it was cooking, but I didn't rate it when I ate it. It was BBQ flavour. That has nothing at all to do with what I want to talk about, but thought that it was interesting that after years of eating skinless boneless chicken that I can no longer appreciate how delicious it is...

What I wanted to talk about today, was how you see yourself in others, especially if they are going through similar things to you, about the same time that you went through them in your life and how it blows my mind at just how similar we can all be.

Its Summer here in the UK and for a change it has been a corker. I am more tan now than I was the last time I came back from NZ. My body is drinking in the vitamin D and loving it. Of course it helps that there is no ozone hole here. I have vowed never to complain about the heat as there is never enough of it in this country and I stand by that. Even when its been 30 degrees at midnight and I am sweltering in my bed, I know that soon enough I will be shivering in my coat and dreaming of a Summer get away.

Summer brings the wedding season. Whilst I love a good wedding, in my last blog, I discussed my issues with weddings. Couples love weddings, if they are already married, they like to relive their wedding and get very cuddly and touchy feely. If they are not married, they recognise the love in the happy couple, reflected in their own, and get all cuddly and touchy feely. I can honestly say, that I have never been to a wedding with a partner, that has had that effect, which says more about the choice of partner than the wedding. Which is why going to a wedding as a single person is a nightmare fraught with emotions. The feeling of being excluded from all of the love, the expense – with no one to split the gift costs, travel costs or even accommodation costs, it can get really pricey, and then there is the fun of being sat at the singles table.

In my last blog I expressed my surprise at not feeling upset at the last wedding I went to. There are a few reasons for this, if I wanted to, I was allowed to bring a friend. I opted not to as I know how expensive weddings are to put on, and also I was happy enough to go on my own, as having met a number of the girls at the hens weekend, I was comfortable with them. I was also super excited for Nic & Gareth, I love them to bits. There was a bit of travel and excitement either side as well and well, I was just to busy to feel upset.

I am lucky that this year, I only had one wedding to attend. However, one of the boys, has not been so lucky. He was sighing the other day and when I pressed him a bit, he said that he was getting sick of attending weddings on his own and that he was also sick of seeing all of his friends getting married, having kids and generally moving on with their lives, when he did not even have a girlfriend. Wow, was he preaching to the choir. I resisted the urge to hand him a punnet of icecream and sit him down to watch The Notebook with me.

It was a surprise to me that men felt that way too. I guess I have always felt, that to a certain degree that man hold the balance of power when it comes to dating and romance. Having seen way to many chick flicks and read way to many books and been on the dating scene myself for sometime, I have certainly felt this way. I know that despite just about every person I know has tried to discourage me from feeling this way, and has encouraged me to ask men for their numbers, I am cautious. One of the biggest barriers to me doing this, is that when woman reach a certain age or stage in their lives, that men seem to think that they reek of desperation and that they are just after marriage and babies and are crazy enough to make them uncomfortable in their pursuit for it. I have listened to many a conversation in a pub where men retell their close escapes from these crazy woman. I have no desire to be the topic of this conversation. I have dignity and pride, and whilst I want marriage and babies, I am not desperate for it. I want it with the right person and the reality is that I have not met that person yet. I am happy with the life that I currently lead, I would just like someone to share it with and if that leads to marriage and babies in due course, than great.

So when I heard from this boy that he was feeling bereft of girl company, I was surprised. He is good looking, has a good job and in my mind, could ask out any one he wanted. And yet he was telling me how it was. I guess that the lesson there for me is that men are just as nuts as woman and that we all just need to ask for what we want a lot more. As a side note he has told me that I should be bolder and definitely ask more men out. Hmmm will bear that one in mind.

Whilst it may not be weddings for me at the moment, its freaking babies. Sorry lovely, snuggly, snuffly, squishy babies. Its no secret that I would love to be a Mum and when I am, that baby will be the apple of my eye. So its getting to me, that 99% of my friends are either with child, have a newborn or even one of them got really greedy and had twins. If I hear of one more couple having a baby I may just scream. Please do not get me wrong. I am very happy for those with the babies, they all are amazing parents, its just that I am so freaking jealous. Watching One born every minute and Offspring does not help.

Two people very close to me are currently pregnant. My sister is due on the 20^th of December. I am really struggling with not being there the way that I was for Sam. Sam and I have a close relationship today, due to the work that I put into building that when he was an itty bitty. He used to cry when I left, I would often not realise that he was at my parents and hear him crawling as fast as he could to come find where I was when he had heard my voice. The sad thing is that this baby will not know me that way and I am worried that I will never be as close to them.

The other person is my amazing friend Fe, who is due on my birthday. Which I am stoked about as its the day after her birthday. Fe and I may not speak very often, but when we do its awesome. Fe lives in Aussie, so she will be on the baby visiting tour that I will be undertaking next year. This tour will be at an undecided time, as currently my job is ending in March, so it could be March, or I could have a new job and need to put in some hard yards before I can take off for the 6 weeks that I will need to be home for.

Again the reality is that I have no one that I want a baby with right now, and it would be a major change from the student life that I currently lead, but a change that I would happily make. Apparently there has been a noticeable upsurge in woman in their 30's visiting fertility clinics and going it alone, with donor spunk to have babies. I can understand this. We are in an age where we are constantly reminded that we should live our lives and not have any regrets. The last thing that I want is to be 60, and thinking, I wish that I had a baby and a family. I really hope that it does not come to donor for me, but maybe this is just the reality for this generation. It will be interesting to see if this becomes a trend in the future and what impact this will have on society.

Anyway, that is probably enough of my wittering for this blog post. I have learned a lot about people this week and probably a bit about myself as well. And of course been so freaking busy, with my fab job, going to bootcamp and seeing my friends. Hopefully I can spend more time talking to you all, I was planning a quiet August after all. Its yet to pan out, but I am hopeful that it will soon. Ka Kite for now xx