Date a girl who...

Can’t quite believe it’s been so long since I have blogged.  It’s not through lack of anything to say, it’s that old chestnut, lack of time.  Well thanks to some quite painful endo, I am at home on a Friday night and therefore finally have the time to write.  It kinda sucks that the only time I have to write is when my body physically makes it impossible for me to do much else.  The truth is that I have been aching to write for a long time now.  There is so much to say and so much inspiration.  I am sick of writing boring reports for work, about outcomes and budget tables.  I want to write about passion, life and excitement. 

It’s nearly the end of January, and whilst many people are facing the end of a month without booze or congratulating themselves on completing New Year resolutions, I am beginning to wonder what this year will offer me.  There are a lot of new beginnings for me in the year ahead, and it feels like I am on the cusp of something really exciting, that within a few months, life is going to fall into a new and exciting place.  The one thing that I have been wondering about this year, which I am sure that every single girl does, is, will this year bring me love?

   

Recently, there have been a whole load of articles that I have picked up off Facebook entitled ‘Don’t date a girl who (insert something profound here)’, reads, writes, travels – you get the idea.  These articles or essays describe a life that is sad, dull and seems to be missing the point.  The Stepford wife kind of woman, who have not experienced being lost in a book, been lost in a city or at the grand bazaar in Istanbul, or who have tried to describe their lives, hopes and dreams on a page. 

These articles make me feel special, annoyed and sad all at once.  Because it’s true, the girls that they are describing as the ones who are worthy of dating, are.  But what is sad is that they are often the girls who are over looked.  They might be the ones who spend their lives reading a book in a café, not spending their money on clothes or shoes – but when you are on a night out, it’s the girls with the clothes and shoes that get picked up.  And the girls who read, travel, write are the ones who get caught up in a conversation with the guy who is looking to pick up their friends.  Don’t get me wrong, it is very clear that girls who read, write or travel are not interested in these empty men, who are more interested in t and a, pink lipstick and big hair.  I have nothing against the girls with the short skirts and amazing cleavages – I believe that everyone deserves great love in their lives and that there is not one kind of person who deserves another kind of person. 

I think that it is clear that I identify with the girls who read and write and more than a little with the girls who travel articles.  I love to get lost in a good book, I love the moments of romance and I have on more than one occasion laughed out loud or sobbed my heart out at moments in a book.  Since I was a teenager, I have kept a very personal diary that I would be mortified if anyone read, as it tends to be full of awful poetry and very maudlin, self-indulgent angst.  I often need to write to get my head straight.  And I have this blog, where I am happy to share my public thoughts and feelings and accounts of my travels.  

What frustrates me is that in my experience, these qualities are not valued by the single men that I meet.  I may not be drop dead gorgeous, I do have a more than curvy figure, but I can out smile and laugh most people, and I can more than hold a great conversation.  The problem is that to get to the smile and the conversation, you need to get past the curviness and the lack of big hair.  Internet dating, which seems to be the best way to meet men, is just awful in my experience.  I find it to be a shallow and demeaning experience.  And it’s not like I have not tried.  I have tried many internet dating sites both in NZ and the UK and found them all to be just awful.  And what is worse is that there is always someone helpful who will tell you about their friends, friend or their aunties flatmate who met the man of their dreams on the internet.  Maybe I am looking in the wrong places, but I am yet to find someone who values me for me and can look past the exterior, which changes depending on the season.

Lena Dunham - defo not fat.

The series Girls began again in the UK last week.  I love Lena Dunham – she is one of my heroes.  Her writing is honest, quirky and feels more realistic than the Sex in the City genre.  I love that she does not care what people think of her. (And she dates one of the guys from Fun.  Could not be cooler in my eyes!)  On more than one occasion in the first two series, we have seen Lena in various states of undress.  To me, she is a normal sized girl.  She is not skinny, she is not fat, she is average.  I think that it is refreshing to see a cast of different sized girls in a hit series.  I like it that she shows herself in this way.  What I absolutely hate is the fall out that comes from it.  In one episode Lena’s character Hannah, spends a dirty weekend with a man that she has just met.  The man is very handsome, a doctor, I believe and very fit.  The online backlash about this episode was horrific.  Most of the comments were that a man like him would never sleep with a girl that looked like her.  Girls that look like her do not deserve a man like that.  Well what kind of men does she deserve?  And what kind of man do I deserve? I have a very different figure to her, but I am sure that she is likely smaller than me.   Why are some people so offended by the way that others look?  Surely it is none of their business.  And what really frustrates me is that when commentators defended Lena/Hannah by saying that she is normal sized and that people need to back off, that the most common defence was that obesity is killing people and that as a television star or role model, she needed to take more care and have more responsibility.  Drinking, drugs and smoking kill people too, all of which are shown in just about every primetime television show, I don’t see thousands of comments about this.  In our current culture, it is easy to pick on the overweight, it’s the trendy bullying of the moment. 

I am not alone in thinking that in this age of the thinner the better, that it is good for young girls to have role models who are not looks obsessed – Lena Dunham or even Adele are good examples of this.  This rant by Adam -And I am not finished - Hills made me love him more than ever.  And he has a point.  

What all of this leaves me thinking is – will I find someone this year?  Do I even want too?  Maybe I am just better off living my current life where if I want to watch Game of Thrones in bed with a twistie sandwich (or cookie time), I can, without any judgement  Maybe I am better off having inappropriate, unrequited crushes on men who would not look twice at me, but are missing out on a great person.  I don’t mean to sound defeatist, but I would much rather live the life that I am living now, full of travel, laughter and amazing friends, than live the life described by any of the articles that I have mentioned above.  I want joy, laughter and a great love, not a humdrum existence that I struggle through.  Am I asking too much?

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