It’s Sunday night and I am
procrastinating. I should have cleaned
my room and cleared out my closet, however, I have cleared 8% off the Sky box,
have read a clothing catalogue and spent a fair amount of time playing Candy
Crush. So now I am indulging my fav
distraction, a good old rant over my blog…
Ahhh St Valentine’s Day, 14th
of February. It’s a day that is fraught
with so much emotion. It makes the
single among us feel unloved and excluded and those in a relationship feel
loads of pressure to have the perfect day.
Ugh, and somewhere along the line, the love kinda gets lost.
Lets get the whole single issue
out of the way and then I can tell you about why Valentine’s Day has, in my
opinion become a material day, that no one really enjoys.
Ok so, I am single. I am single every other day of the year too,
and for the most part, it does not bother me.
Sure I would love to be in a relationship with someone who I loved and
they loved me back, but that is not my reality right now. What I really hate about Valentine’s Day at
the moment are the articles that come out like this one. One of my other single friends posted this article with the heading ‘What a patronising bitch’ and I must agree. This article treats being single as though it’s
a disease and these are the steps to acceptance of said disease. I do realise that there are people out there
who are less sane than me, who probably do get really cut up on Valentine’s Day
about being alone, but I am not sure that this article is that helpful. I mean really – try and keep yourself
busy. Sure.
I don’t know about anyone else
but my inbox has been full of emails offering me raunchy lingerie to spice his
Valentine’s, cheap hotels to get away too, obviously to display the lingerie
in, and places to have an over priced dinner with your significant other. I just kinda feel like this is a lot of
pressure for one day. Spend a whole
chunk of change on an average dinner, probably with a whole bunch of other
people, hardly an intimate dinner, and then go home and put on your overpriced lingerie
and take it off again… hang on maybe I do want in on this! In all seriousness, it kinda feels like this
whole commercialism is cheapening love a little. When was the last time that love was only about
dinner, lingerie and motels?
I think that love is about a lot
more. I was once in a relationship that
lasted some number of years and not once did I hear those three little
words. I am not sure who was the bigger
fool in that relationship – me for putting up with it, or him for thinking that
he could get away with it. It’s now
become acceptable to say those words more often to people who are not your
significant other. I have friends of
both sexes, who routinely tell me that they love me and I say it back. And I mean it. But love is more than that. Love is someone making you a cup of tea,
pouring you a glass of wine after a long day, cooking you a dinner that they
know that you love. Love is considering
someone else’s wants above your own and love is in all of the small
things. I think that in this culture of
mass media, that there is a perception that love is about the grand
gestures. Well it’s not. Grand gestures are amazing and everything,
but that is not going to happen every day, once the gestures are over, there
has to be something else to take its place.
I have spent a number of
Valentine’s Day’s in a relationship. A
fair number of them were when I had a rather large mortgage. I preferred not to spend the money on
overpriced flowers or nights out, but as it was summer in NZ, a picnic in the
park or even the backyard was nice. It’s
also fair to say that the men that I have dated have not been the flower buying
types. Two of them valued money over me,
so there was no buying of things that were just going to die. But those are my bad choices I guess. I have also spent a number of them in love with completely inappropriate people or people who had no idea how I felt. I learned a long time ago not to expect these people to magically realise that I was in love with them on this day, and I would fall through the floor if they ever found out. I am not going to declare my love or extreme like just because it's the day for it. If I ever did get up the courage to tell someone how I felt, it would not be on Valentine's Day, talk about pressure!
I still maintain that if you regularly make an effort throughout the year, then you don’t need a day to remind you to love someone, however, if it is the only day that you make an effort, than you should. I remember one flatmate who regularly bought his girlfriend flowers, just because, took her out for dinner often and really did treat her like a princess, who felt that he should not have to pay a ridiculous amount for the same flowers he bought the week before, so did not celebrate Valentine’s Day. And I agreed with him, he made an effort all the time. She did not see it that way. She wanted a big gesture. And it caused an argument between them that simmered for a long time. Interestingly, this same flatmate, who was a hopeless romantic, once described how he thought I should be proposed to. He was a traditionalist as well, so he felt that my father should be asked permission. Which is all well and good, however, the reality is that anyone I meet over here is unlikely to have met my father. Other than over skype I guess. Apparently, this flatmate felt, that it would be the best idea, for this fictional guy to be ‘busy’ for a week, to travel to NZ, to meet my family and to ask my Dad for my hand. All the time I would be unaware of what was going on. Now don’t get me wrong, this sounds amazing, but is this the reality? This sounds like a Hollywood movie and I really don’t think I am selling myself short, by saying that I don’t expect this. I just want someone who will hold my hand, who will give me a hug when I am hungover, who will consider me their partner and wants to spend their free time making me laugh. And I will do the same for them. I want someone who is amazing company, that I can see myself traveling the world and growing old with…
I still maintain that if you regularly make an effort throughout the year, then you don’t need a day to remind you to love someone, however, if it is the only day that you make an effort, than you should. I remember one flatmate who regularly bought his girlfriend flowers, just because, took her out for dinner often and really did treat her like a princess, who felt that he should not have to pay a ridiculous amount for the same flowers he bought the week before, so did not celebrate Valentine’s Day. And I agreed with him, he made an effort all the time. She did not see it that way. She wanted a big gesture. And it caused an argument between them that simmered for a long time. Interestingly, this same flatmate, who was a hopeless romantic, once described how he thought I should be proposed to. He was a traditionalist as well, so he felt that my father should be asked permission. Which is all well and good, however, the reality is that anyone I meet over here is unlikely to have met my father. Other than over skype I guess. Apparently, this flatmate felt, that it would be the best idea, for this fictional guy to be ‘busy’ for a week, to travel to NZ, to meet my family and to ask my Dad for my hand. All the time I would be unaware of what was going on. Now don’t get me wrong, this sounds amazing, but is this the reality? This sounds like a Hollywood movie and I really don’t think I am selling myself short, by saying that I don’t expect this. I just want someone who will hold my hand, who will give me a hug when I am hungover, who will consider me their partner and wants to spend their free time making me laugh. And I will do the same for them. I want someone who is amazing company, that I can see myself traveling the world and growing old with…
As Valentine’s Day this year is a
Friday, I will be having dinner with friends, the way that I normally would on
a Friday. It was supposed to be another
single friend and I, and a lovely couple that we know. Now he has bailed, for a better offer,
apparently non-valentines related, it’s just me and a couple. Sad but true.
We are going to have dinner, watch a movie and probably drink a fair amount
of wine. It’s going to be a great night
and I am really looking forward to it.
Next year, I will be in NZ, celebrating the wedding of some close
friends. With a bit of luck, I will be
the celebrant of that wedding. Now that
sounds like a great way to spend Valentines.
Who knows, by then I may be in a relationship, but if I am not, I know
that I will be happy. I will be in my
homeland, will be with friends and life will be good. Don’t let Valentines get you down
people. I will leave you with this quote
from my friend Peta (hope that you did not mind that I stole it!).
‘V day is just a painful reminder
that you are sadly single and if you're not then you have a stink boyfriend
that doesn't buy you anything and you pretend that you're totes ok with it
because you don't celebrate V day but really you are not, you are hard out
fucked off with him cos the least he could've got you would be some fingerless
gloves for the impending winter!’
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