This is what crazy looks like via text

The hot topic on the Fletch and Vaughan over the last few days has been without a doubt, ‘This is what crazy looks like via text’ http://weknowmemes.com/2012/02/hey-kevin-would-you-like-to-get-together-tonight/

When I first saw this on the internet, I didn’t really want to open it up.  The last thing that any single girl needs to see/hear is another single girl being crucified for being ‘crazy’.  Then I heard the one man play that Vaughan did of the transcript.  And all I can say is Good God.  Even on a bad day, I am nowhere near as crazy as this chick is.

But here is the thing about this.  My initial reaction was that men over react when it comes to woman being desperate.  They use it as a get out of jail free card.  It’s not just me that thinks this – when I was at home this year, I met up with pretty much my only single friend in NZ.  We were out walking together and we were discussing how, men around our age, use the desperate/crazy card to get out of situations that they don’t want to be in.  If the situation that they are in is getting more serious than they would like, they pull the ‘at your age you are looking for something more serious like kids’ card.  It’s likely that we have never even mentioned children.  Why have we not mentioned children?  Because we are sick of men using that as an excuse to avoid woman our age.  This whole issue is discussed at length in the book ‘How to be single’ by Liz Tuccillo.  You might recognise her name from the ‘He’s just not that into you’ book that she co-wrote.  You might say that she knows a bit about the subject.  So you can understand my apprehension when the crazy via text posts started appearing on facebook.

More of the story begins to come out.  It turns out that Kevin met JJ on facebook.  He was at home ill and she messaged him, he accepted her friend request and sent him pictures of herself that he liked and he asked her out.  This is where my Mum would say ‘I told you that internet dating was a bad idea.’  I have tried a few internet dating websites over the years.  Mainly at my friends insistence, they always know someone’s brother, sister, cousin or aunt, who met someone wonderful on the internet and now they are married and living happily ever after.  I have met many nice people over the internet, but I have met a few crazies too.

In fact I met a man who had trouble letting go just like JJ – however, I was smart enough not to give him my last name or let him know where I lived.  My first clue that this man was not the full picnic, came when he arrived at the pub we had agreed to meet at, which was a bus ride from my house.  He looked very little like his profile picture.  We sat down to have a drink, he ordered us both a glass of white wine and we began to talk.  He began to lecture me about red wine.  I hate red wine.  I keep trying it as everyone says it’s an acquired taste, but I have yet to finish a glass of it.  I don’t like it.  He could not accept this.  He gave me a lecture about how I could not eat red meat with white wine.  Why not?  I can do whatever I like.  Apparently not.  This is not the way to win me over, I hate being told what to do and I hate it even more when I am not allowed my own opinion.  Then he point blank refused to tell me what he did for a job.  At all.  To this day I have no idea what he did.  I explained my theory that this recession meant that more people were working in jobs that they would not normally do and that therefore we are no longer as defined by our jobs as we have been in past decades.  He was not having a bar of it.  He then asked if I would like to go on a weekend break with him, he was going to hire a car apparently.  On the first date.  I said that I thought that was a bit fast, how about we see how things go, and called it a night.  I only said that I would see how things went to get out of there; this guy was definitely not for me.  I made sure that he got on his bus, before I even headed to my bus stop; I did not want him knowing anything more about me.

The next day, he text me saying that it was great to meet me and could we meet up again.  I sent a very polite text back saying that it was great to meet him, but that I didn’t think that we were suited, and I wished him well in his future dating.  Which I thought was quite nice, considering what a tool he was.  Within 30 seconds I had a text back in which he called me a slut, and said that if we had had sex, that he would have gotten a second date, and that woman like me only wanted men to laugh them into bed.  Let’s just be very clear, he was not going to be touching me in any way, shape or form.  Not sure how I can be called a slut when I didn’t sleep with him either.

The next text, received 30 seconds after the last one said that he should stay away from internet dating sites as woman were all the same, we used and abused him and then didn’t want to see him again.  For the cost of one cheap glass of wine, I am not sure that I used and abused him.

The third text, promised me that I would never hear from him again (thanks goodness) but that I was a slut who should be more genuine and not lead men on, I only wanted funny men who would laugh me into bed.

At this point I deleted his number and headed out for a drink with my one of my male flatmates.  I showed him the texts, I had already told him about the date the night before.  What got me was how this man had turned it all into my fault.  He was unwilling to let me be myself from the get go.  I didn’t want to have an argument with this man in a public place, but I definitely did not think that the date was a roaring success.  But it was all my fault as I was a slut who lead men on?  I don’t think that is fair at all. 

Its worth noting that my flatmate was appalled.  He didn’t think that it was fair that he said nasty things about me and commended my instincts for ensuring that he knew nothing more about me than my first name and my phone number.

I guess all I can say is this – JJ is clearly crazy, to text someone 86 times in one day is not acceptable.  It is also not acceptable to sit outside someone’s house or to call their phone hundreds of times.  But my one question is, why has Kevin posted these text messages on the internet instead of getting the police or the phone company involved to make her stop on the grounds of harassment?  The other point is that whilst in this instance, JJ is a woman who clearly has a few issues, that men can be just as bad when it comes to letting go.  They just don’t have their texts downloaded onto the internet to prove it.