The Sex Life of Bees

I like to kid myself that I am an adult.  But the reality is that I love having a great conversation about sex with my friends, not so much my parents, but definitely my friends.  We have a great a laugh and get right on in there.  If you are finding yourself disagreeing, think about when the programme on whales showed on NZ television and they were speaking about the 8ft penis, how it made the news and how we were all talking about it…

So picture this.  Its 8am, I am at my weekly bee keeping course on a Thursday morning in a room full of strangers, average age 40 +.  And the teacher begins to speak about how bees reproduce, something I had given slim to none thought about.  And it turns out that they are kinky wee things.

Apparently the Queen leaves the hive and heads to the congregation area.  She flies around for a bit.  Then she proceeds to have it off with a drone.  When he is done he pulls away, leaving his willy in there and dies.  Then the next drone comes along, they have to clear out the left over willy, and then they do the nasty, he leaves his willy in there, pulls out and dies as well.  This happens over and over again until she is full up of swimmers and she heads back to the hive and uses them over a number of years to lay eggs.  This ensures that there is a diversity in the babies as well as that the Queen is fertilised for a number of years.

So after reading that, I am sure that you are having a giggle at the image of a wee bee having to clear out the remains of the last and then getting on in there.  I wanted to laugh so bad, I could not meet the eyes of anyone in the room.  No one said a word.  There was not even a snigger.

I for one, raised my eyebrows and put my glasses arm in my mouth and looked like I was mulling it over, but in reality, the glasses were to stop me from laughing.

Later in the pub, I was relaying this to my friend Abby, who also found the whole thing hilarious, she grabbed her friend and was like hey did you know how bees have sex?  They were playing that night and all through the set there were references to be being a Queen Bee – ummm EW!  And also the now slightly famous Mustang Nic, which was made worse by Juddy inserting the word Moist (again ew) and then singing the lyric weeping eye.  You can see why sex conversations are hilarious!  Hilarious, very inappropriate, and oh oh so brilliant.

So there you have it.  Bees are funny and interesting creatures.  Sex is hilarious and even funnier when its animals for some reason.