Why 50 Shades of Grey is not a movie about domestic violence

Warning – Contains spoilers – if you have not read the book or seen the movie, but intend to, don’t read this post first!

I read all three 50 Shades books a few years ago.  At the time they were the trendy thing to read and were dividing audiences everywhere.  I still think that it is wrong to read this on the tube in plain sight – if a woman were to walk onto a tube carriage of men reading Playboy, there would be an outcry, and this is no different.  I still think that they are poorly written, with a very thin story, held together by some badly written porn episodes.  They have been nicknamed 50 Shades of vanilla among a number of my friends.  It has been labelled domestic abuse and violence in a number of forums, a view that I don’t share.  A number of woman my mother’s age, my mother included feel that it is degrading to woman, I am not sure about that, I agree that Anastasia Steele is terribly written character, but in some ways porn written by and for woman, being so mainstream is not a bad thing.  I do agree it would be better if she was drawn in a different way.  I was in two minds about seeing the movie.  I was excited when Charlie Hunnam was originally cast as Christian Grey, but still did not see myself seeing this in a theatre.  I am not sure that this is the right place to watch porn, in public. I do love the soundtrack though, as do many others, with the Ellie Goulding offering being the most listened to song on Spotify for a number of weeks now.  Eventually, my curiosity got the better of me and I went to see this movie in a small theatre with a good friend who I often discuss movies and books with.  We both decided that alcohol would help and with lashings of gin, we settled in for our ‘cultural experience’.

The movie theatre was small, and there were a sum total of 6 people in this showing.  After laughing at the ads for premature ejaculation, we all settled in.  The acting was good, there was no denying that, they did the best that they could with a terrible script.  There were numerous shots of Ana putting a pencil that Christian gave her, in and around her mouth, which is ironic as there are no blow jobs in this movie.  My friend and I laughed at the shameless innuendo of this.  At least the inner goddess did not make an appearance in the film, but there were a number of what the hell moments.  For instance, if you were beginning to date someone and you were at home alone and they showed up in your bedroom, would you not have questions about how they got in there – such as did you break down the door or did you get a key cut etc.  But the badly written character of Ana does not seem to question how this man who wants to have her submit got into her house.

When we eventually got down to the porn, the six of us in the cinema all commented on the fact that Ana has hairy thighs.  Something that I think is great to show in a movie – it’s realistic, unless you are planning it, it’s likely that the average woman will not have shaved her legs that day.  Another thing that I really liked is that despite it being cheesy when Christian opens the condom packet with his teeth, at least they are portraying grown up safe sex.  Something that you don’t see very often these days.

And then it got down to the S&M and the B&D.  What is reiterated a number of times in both the movie and the book, is that Ana is in control in these moments.  She has already laid out in a contract what she will and will not do, and has two safe words to use.  He consistently reminds her of these.  At any time, Ana can say these words and what is happening will stop.  She can leave whenever she wants.  I completely understand that this is outside a number of peoples experience, but my understanding domestic violence is that the people who are victims in this would quite like it to stop, but can’t get away.  The majority of what we see, shows Ana enjoying every moment, it’s all very tame, no one is getting hurt, it shows her being tied, and teased and she appears to enjoy this, she does not use her words and chooses to stay at the apartment.  She meets his family and actively debates with him about things that she is not happy with.  At no point does he raise a hand to her in anger and at no point does he seem to leave a mark on her.  She has concerns about many areas of their relationship, and is trying to understand his need for the S&M.

The end of the movie is where the most controversial scene occurs.  Christian has had a bad day, his work has not gone according to plan and she provokes him and asks him to show her how bad it will be.  She asks him to do his worst to her.  Let’s be clear here, she asks him for this.  Consent is given.  So off to the play room aka sex dungeon they go.  It’s awkward to watch.  He is mad and he takes it out on her butt with a belt.  He reminds her about the safe words and never once do they leave her mouth.  She is visibly shaken by the incident and tells him to get away from her, which he does, and he keeps his distance for the rest of the night, as she has asked.  Here is where I have an issue with the writing, if you were that upset, why would you not go back to your own apartment, why would you stay in his apartment?  The next day she leaves and tells him not to contact her again.  The movie ends.  

I understand that this scene is confronting.  I understand that is not pleasant to watch.  But I also understand that this an act that two consenting adults have agreed to partake in.  It might not be your or my experience, but I don’t feel that it’s up to me to judge.  I am lucky enough to have never experienced domestic violence.  I cannot speak for those that have, but my understanding of it is, that those that do feel powerless in the situation.  They feel like they cannot leave or that they cannot stop it.  And this is where the major difference between the two situations is – Ana could make what is happening to her stop.  She could have left long before she did, but she didn’t want to.  She actively participated in and enjoyed what was happening to her.  From my understanding, those that suffer domestic violence do not report that experience.

In some ways, if we are calling this domestic violence, then we are taking away from the seriousness of the situation.  50 Shades of Grey and Once Were Warriors are two very different movies.  There is a misunderstanding of what is being portrayed.  I remember when the books came out, having a discussion with a colleague, who said that he felt sorry for EL James’ husband, as she had said that they had tried out some of the acts described in the books, so that she could write about them.  He felt sorry for the poor guy who down the pub would have to defend beating the shit out of his wife.  I attempted to explain the difference between beating the shit out of someone and what was described in the books.  Christian never beats the shit out of Ana.  He never leaves her black and blue.  She is never scarred, she is never thrown down the stairs or subjected to broken bones or vindictive moments.  She does not have to worry about the mood he will be in when he gets home and if she will bear the brunt of it.  I do realise that there are differing levels of domestic violence, but I am very sure that this is not what this book and movie is about.

I am not sure if we will see the next two movies made.  I am sure that economically it’s a no brainer, the movie made a hell of a lot of money and probably will for a number of years to come.  Ann Summers have been selling out of nipple clamps and ben wa balls since the books were written.  This amazing article was written.  I read the other day that the director has not signed up for the next two movies and that Dakota Johnson has, but Jamie Dornan is still in talks.  And I am not sure that it matters, we have seen such a huge cultural shift, for this to be shown in mainstream cinemas, its led to open discussions of what is porn, who it is made by and who it is for.   It’s opened up discussions about differing lifestyles.  And the major one should what was originally fan fiction for Twilight, have ever been taken so seriously.  Oh and the great pube debate!  Ana Steele might single handedly be bringing back the thatch – but in real life Dakota Johnson had to have those CGI’d in.  I will leave it there with that fantastic fact.  Please do join in the debate – either about pubes or domestic violence and let me know what you think.